Tag Archives: travel

When Junk Food Doesn’t Count

A friend of mine has a grandmother who keeps kosher except when on vacation.

I’m not sure what the logic is in that. Is holiness so much higher away from home that non-kosher food is automatically ok? Or can supernatural beings only see you when you’re at home?

Whatever it is, I feel an affinity for her, because that’s exactly the same kind of logic I use when on road trips.

Have you noticed that whenever you stop at a gas station, the shops always have junk food that you never see anywhere else? While I haven’t seen “Bugles” at any grocery store near me for at least ten years; they’re at every gas station from LA to SF.

And I didn’t even know there were “TGIF” branded snack chips. But there are, and some are bacon flavored!

I don’t usually buy this stuff since losing the metabolism of a teenager (let me know if you guys find it, okay?) But put me on a three plus hour car ride, and it’s bring on the “Bugles”!

Perhaps it’s the weird, “in a bubble” feeling of being in a car by yourself for a long time. How many times have you seen someone swear, pick their nose, or otherwise behave in a manner that is inconsistent with how they would behave, even in their own home? How many times has that person been you?

So, it is in the same spirit of “cussing in the car doesn’t count” that “eating crap food in the car doesn’t count” has evolved.

I have not yet let myself descend to “Slim Jims” but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been tempted.

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On Being Spoilt for Time in Rome

In California, it’s a big deal if a place has been around for thirty years. We look at each other and say, “oh, it’s so charmingly old school! It’s been here since the 80s!”

And heavens, if it’s been around since the 1930s, it’s an institution! Did you know that this court yard was used to film a scene in “Casablanca?”

The east coast gets to be a little snobbier, scoffing at us and showing us places that Gilded Age Barons used to frequent, or George Washington once slept.

But let’s face it, no U.S. city has anything on Rome, a city with thousands of years of civilization and opulence under its belt. This is the civilization that set a standard for grandiosity whose aesthetic is still followed today. It’s style continues to be loved by those who wish to show wealth and power; a visual language that can be see not just in the carefully maintained Renaissance palaces and churches of Rome, but whose origins date back to the days of the ancient empire. Need to make something look expensive? Use columns, gilding, marble floors, statues, frescoes, wood paneling, elaborate lighting fixtures, and stained glass.

You know who also had all that? Julius Caesar.

Here in the new world, I like to call this “The Cheesecake Factory School of Design”, since every “Cheesecake Factory” I’ve been to, uses this aesthetic. I suppose it’s so that people can feel like they’re in for a more luxurious experience than say, a “Chili’s” or a “Chevy’s”, onion rings are more luxurious when experienced surrounded by wood paneling and marble floors.

Time collapses histories, and a human lifetime is but a blink. When in Rome, this sense of the fleeting nature of time is constantly and subtly reinforced. A building that was around “only” two hundred years” seems recent. Renaissance works, so vibrantly and casually displayed in a public fountain without security, feel as if they were created only a generation before, instead of the sixteenth century.

And ancient ruins, with their crumbling, yet easily discernible foundations and still standing columns, perhaps their time was only the more recent 1800s, the time of great grandfathers, instead of two thousand years ago.

In San Francisco, the remains of the Sutro Baths are in far worse shape than the Colosseum, and the baths were standing and functional during the last turn of the century.

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Without the aid of carbon dating, or intimate knowledge of building materials of each era, which one seems older? Wouldn’t they seem contemporary to each another? While I tend not to like the modern aesthetic of opulence, finding it insincere in its mimicry of the old world, I’m realizing that the old world itself, mimicked the ancient one, using many of the same markers.

If an alien race came to earth, thousands of years from now, they will come across artifacts from an old “Cheesecake Factory” or perhaps one of those shopping malls that try to mimic old Roman squares, such as the Glendale Galleria, or the Grove LA.

And from their vantage point, the Renaissance and our present won’t be that distant. So they might posit that the Romans made their way across the ocean and settled in LA, deciding to create a variant of what existed.

Because it’s the same idea, right? Create an area of shops and habitation, surrounding a statue or some work of art. And people will come, stroll, purchase some items, perhaps see some entertainment, eat, and go home. It’s odd and comforting to think that we haven’t changed all that much as a species.

Except for that watching people get killed as a sport thing.

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Agenda-less vacation observations in Israel

Happy new year everyone!

So I ended last year by traveling to Israel. It was amazing, and I feel I should tell you all about it.

Like most Americans, my familiarity with Israel before visiting, consisted of biblical stories and the occasional news story. Not only has A LOT happened between those two markers, but neither religion nor news falls within the “frivolous” category of topics.

And I’m resolute in keeping this blog untaxing, emotionally and intellectually.

Therefore, here is a list of random observations that I made while on my trip that are of no religious or political importance.

-The temperature in the winter is not unlike California, but the angle of the light is sharper and brighter.
-The yellow light at traffic signals indicate that the light is about to change, so it turns yellow before a green light as well as a red one.
-People stop at the yellow light. I did not see any red light runners. However…
-I was not impressed with the general populations’ ability to park.
-Roundabouts are more frequently used in traffic than they are in California.
-Signs are written in Hebrew, English, and Arabic
-Because Hebrew and Arabic are read right to left, anything that is numbered, is numbered right to left. The first time I saw a calendar in Israel, I had trouble figuring out what day it was.
-People work six days a week, although some take a half day on Fridays.
-Everything is scaled smaller. Doorways, lamp posts, electricity towers. I felt tall!
-A particular shade of blue is used a lot. Bus stops, railings, lamp posts, public garbage cans.
-There are mezuzahs on every doorframe so that the Orthodox Jews can enter freely.
-The pita bread is fluffy and delicious; not the unpleasant flat, dry, “eat this instead of chips because you’re dieting” stuff that we get here.
-Yemeni food is deceptively heavy. It is the Tardis of cuisines; bigger on the inside.
-Israeli food is not the same thing as Jewish food (as understood by most Americans)
-Italian food is apparently popular everywhere in the world.
-There is a prominent café culture.
-There are stray cats in every city, just hanging out. It is fun to imagine the lives of these cats.
-American culture is very pervasive. I went to a bar that was designated as an “American style” bar, and they weren’t kidding, I could have been in SF. The music, the hipsters, and the food, were identical. The only thing different was that people spoke Hebrew.
-I was informed that it is not illegal to piss in public in Israel. I did not test this.
-Even dry cuticles, much less any kind of scratch or cut, BURNS when floating in Dead Sea water.
-They have wild ibex!

And my non-Israel based observation regarding my flight to Israel:

-Turkish Airlines keeps their flights unpleasantly warm. Also, I think it would have been more comfortable had I been a double amputee.

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Hebrew slang through geek filters

What I heard:

“Sababa!”

Roughly translated, it means “cool”, “fine”, “I’m okay with that.”

What I thought I heard:

“Sebulba”

Roughly translated, it means… character from the pod race sequence in “Star Wars, Episode One” who was not sababa.

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I’ve traveled to Israel and made an important discovery…

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December 20, 2013 · 8:11 am

Let’s go Vegas…

A friend of mine announced that she got a new job and I responded:

“Let’s go to Vegas!”

Three days later, we were in Mandalay Bay. Imagine our surprise when we immediately found ourselves captured by a military dictatorship and placed under house arrest in the middle of the man-made wave pool next to a giant iguana statue.

Haha! Just a little Burma joke there!

Having never been to Burma, I can’t say with certainty, but I’m going out on a limb and say that I don’t think there’s any resemblance to this Mandalay and that Mandalay except for the name. Which is probably a good thing because it wouldn’t be popular otherwise, except by extreme survival fantasists.

Las Vegas is a place where every cultural stereotype is exaggerated in a manner to put those who are uncomfortable with other cultures at ease. There is no need to deal with foreign languages, unfamiliar public transport, or strange food, because even in medieval times, pizza can be procured (food mall in Excalibur!).

Paris is an amalgam of the Garnier Opera House, Arc de Triomphe and Eiffel tower, where a French restaurant serves classic standards such as American style pancakes. NYC is the Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn Bridge, and Empire State, without the aggressive pedestrians and cabbies. Even the slot machines tread the line of unthreatening fantasy. Names like “Great Wall” or “Brazilian Princess”, imply exotic adventures in gaming, but are really…just slot machines. (They also feel vaguely racist, but in that retro way of the harmless aunt who doesn’t get why she can’t say “oriental” anymore.)

Moreover, no matter where you are in Vegas world, you will be accompanied by the greatest hits from the 70s and 80s. Because nothing says “oh la la!”, “fuggedaboutit” or whatever it is they say in ancient Egypt, quite like Hall and Oates’ “Maneater.”

In Vegas, every day, someone is getting married and it never feels earlier than 9:30 p.m. Your circadian rhythms will be wrecked, but it makes having a martini with your bacon and eggs seem perfectly reasonable.

And if the noise gets overwhelming, you can check into a spa for $25 where you can use a sauna, hot tub, and cold pool in an endless loop for an entire day while being served a bottomless supply of tea, juice, and fruit.

So pack too much eyeliner, too short skirts, every sequined item you own, three cans of hairspray, and go to Vegas. Really. You’ll have the best time that you’ll be vague about having when you get home.

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When I was in Paris, I…

Sentences that begin this way always feel like the travel equivalent of name dropping. You are cool/stylish/interesting because you were in a cool/stylish/interesting place.

When someone casually mentions “The last time I was in Borneo…” the implication is that he is the type of person that goes to Borneo regularly, in the same way other, less interesting people,  might go to the drugstore.

Of course it would be anti-climactic to say “The last time I was in Borneo, I picked up some toilet paper and Altoids.” So the follow-up must be satisfying (yet spoken with the same sort of casual flair) to make one seem effortlessly worldly.

It is possible to overshoot or underplay depending on your use (or definition) of facts.

Using my own past trip as a guideline, see categories below:

“When I was in Paris, I…”

RIDICULOUS FICTION MIXED WITH REAL FACTS

-met the President of France (false) who was really short (true)

FACT MIXED WITH PLAUSIBLE FICTION

-spent time sketching in the Louvre (true). Where I spent time, thinking about how great art connects us all (not really)

BORING TRUTH

-ate a lot of cheese (true) and barely missed stepping in a lot of dog crap (overshare!)

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